Why Valentines Day is Trash

Written by Justin Milsk—

Once upon a time, my friends and I walked into a newly renovated, five-star Yelp-reviewed restaurant in Detroit (basic, I know). As we enter, the host greets us, “Hello, do you have reservations?” Our response is, “no.” I think to myself, “it’s only 5 o’clock, why would we need reservations?” I then start to observe my surroundings and see the entire restaurant is empty, besides a few bourgeois hipsters at the bar. Before my friend could get a second word in, the snarky host replies, “we only are doing reservations this evening due to Valentine’s Day, and we are all booked.” My friends’ jaws drop, fists are clenched, and my eyes have now rolled into the back of my head. The first thought that came to mind was, “Valentine’s Day! What trash!” How dare this Hallmark holiday get in the way of our dinner? We huffed and puffed, then turned around and sashayed out the doorway and over to Taco Bell.

I guess it’s that time of year to send myself two dozen long-stem white roses and sink myself into a sugar coma from an over-consumption of gummy bears and Godiva chocolates. Aren’t holidays supposed to bring joy and happiness? The only thing Valentine’s Day brings to me is 5 pounds to my waistline and judgmental thoughts as to why I am still single. But why do we allow ourselves to think like this? You are the only one who can control your happiness. Filling your head with thoughts to why you are single is only going to frustrate you, just like I feel toward my failed New Years diet plan. So for all you fabulous singles, stop moping around and treat yourself to this holiday.

Here are a few things one can do to make this holiday that much more tolerable, without sinking your face into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, because we all know that’s not a cute look. First off, be like Cher in Clueless and send your fine self a bouquet of flowers. Why wait on someone else to do you the favor on beautifying your home? Adding fresh plants into your house during February can help with those winter blues, especially when all plant life is either frozen or dead outside. In my personal opinion, buying roses for Valentine’s Day is a bit basic. Instead, opt for an orchid. They are easier to take care of and have a longer life expectancy.

In addition to buying yourself flowers, splurge on a great scented candle. No one knows what kinds of scents you enjoy better than yourself. Keep away from the mass-produced name brand candles that tend to smell like a glade plug-in. Adventure out and try a scent that is unique and fresh. A personal favorite of mine is the Jasmine candle by Dyptique. According to the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, jasmine releases feel-good brain chemicals that boost energy, increase focus, and reduce anxiety. Sounds like a candle on mood stabilizers. Some peoples go as far to say Jasmine is as calming as Valium. Maybe that’s the reason I tend to gravitate toward this scent?

With your humble abode smelling fresh and looking like a million bucks, thanks to your self-bought flowers, what’s next? Retail therapy! If the Valium infused scented candle isn’t enough, go out and buy get yourself some new clothes. Nothing feels better on your derriere than a new pair of underwear. Even though this isn’t a garment one would necessarily show off, unless you happen to be white girl wasted (which I am guilty of) or happen to be a stripper making it rain, it’s a great comfort gift to oneself. Andrew Christian underwear is always a great go to when picking out some new funky-fresh drawers. They fit and look good, but even look better on the floor.

Another basic bitch gift one tends to receive on Valentine’s Day is chocolate! Who doesn’t like chocolate? That being said, when indulging on this guilty pleasure, opt for dark chocolate instead to milk chocolate. According to Men’s Fitness, dark chocolate raises good cholesterol, lowers blood pressure, protects skin from damaging UV rays, reduces inflammation, improves eyesight, and boosts brainpower. Just keep in mind that everything is best in moderation; don’t go HAM on your box of chocolates.

In conclusion, my therapist once told me, “you need to love yourself before you can love someone else.” So with the motto of self-love, give yourself a hug, count the simple blessings life has to offer, and as suburban moms say, give yourself some “ME time.” Cheers to being you! And for everyone else who is in a happily committed relationship, go get a room! XOXO.


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